


The Blood and the Body

by AngelOfDeath10



Category: Rurouni Kenshin
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Historical, Drama, F/M, Middle Ages, Romance, Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-17
Updated: 2019-10-16
Packaged: 2020-12-20 22:31:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21064265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelOfDeath10/pseuds/AngelOfDeath10
Summary: In which Lady Kaoru Kamiya is trying to navigate life running a manor and the land surrounding while the new white haired priest in charge of her soul seems more sinister than helpful. But Kaoru finds the good in everyone, even as Enishi dearly wishes she wouldn't bother because all her attempts just remind him how forbidden her fruit is.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Rurouni Kenshin. Dammit.
> 
> I'm aware these are Japanese names used in the context of fourteenth century European social constructs. I'm aware it seems weird.
> 
> Originally written in 2019.

"Father, I would speak with you…" As usual, her blue eyes were luminous in her fine-featured face, wide and trusting. Enishi wished he still had the ability to inwardly sneer at her façade of goodness, but—as it had become apparent over time—it was no façade.

He nodded at the women and tried not to drink in the eager way she picked up the hem of her dress from brushing the floor to follow him towards the private room in which the priests took confessions from parishioners. Kaoru could never still herself, being loathe to put aside for later what could be done right now. Her weekly confessions, at first tiresome, had moved into the realm of routine for both of them as spring had shifted to summer.

Enishi swept into the room regally, the sparse wood furnishings so familiar to him yet foreign when they shared this space. As soon as Kaoru entered the distances shrank, as if Enishi would never be far enough away to avoid the flash of her smile or that faint smell of rosemary that told him she had come straight from either her garden or the kitchen. Usually it was from the kitchen, and he hated that he knew that. Probably cooking for her brood of charity cases, as she would no doubt tell him about no matter how bored he looked or how little he responded. It was as if she took silence as in invitation to talk more.

"It is just as last week, Father, my temper got the better of me and I threw a ladle at Yahiko for sneaking food before and after meals. I saw the larder inventory, and it was as if a wave of wrath overtook me."

Kaoru's words spilled out as soon as the door was shut behind her. If she felt the intimacy of their situation as he did, Enishi had no clue. In some ways Lady Kamiya was an easy person to read, but as he got to know her he realized there were parts of her heart guarded even from him as a man of God.

Stifling the urge to scowl, because it was just like her to be angry at herself for being mad at a thief stealing from her kitchen, he allowed the guilt to flow from her in various stages of deserved while remaining stone faced.

"Sano forgot to collect rents on time again, as I asked him to, and instead I found him sleeping. I'm afraid I also threw the same ladle at him. He was less adept at dodging than Yahiko and I was forced to take him to Megumi to see to a minor head wound…"

The cast of characters was always the same, and her stories rather quaint if one had a rustic turn of mind. He had heard worse confessions from people in the small network of towns near the church, people who came to him looking for a quick fix so that they were right with God and could resume their sinning. Enishi understood their motivation being more like them than the woman in front of him who believed with every bit of herself that it was the people she loved she had wronged, not God. She came to Enishi for punishment, dutifully, and he metered out the prayers and fines. Enishi was good at giving out punishments.

He realized he had fallen silent, thinking of the evils of others, and Kaoru was looking at him as if she expected a response.

"Is that all?" To the point, he tried not to prolong their time together. He was going to suffer enough as the day stretched ahead. He knew dinner was chicken seasoned with rosemary and ending the day with Kaoru Kamiya on his mind led to only one conclusion.

Swallowing thickly, Kaoru shook her head, this time unable to meet his eyes. Shit. He knew what came next.

"When Sano did not return with the rents, I went to collect. I saw him again, Father, and it was just as it always is,"

He wanted to stop her, feeling his own body temperature rise and his muscles twitch. Equal parts covetous rage and lust, he exerted control on at least his countenance to appear placid. The heavy glasses perched on Enishi's nose would give him away by fogging up from the heat exuding from his body, so he hoped she would hurry.

"My body felt clumsy as soon as I saw him, and my tongue thick. He was tending the field with no shirt and, God help me, I imagined what it would be to touch him. A farmer on my land! How can I lust for him, when it's against all decency. I burned with such shame that I didn't even collect the money." She looked up at Enishi at last, tears of frustration shining. She hated this weakness of hers nearly as much as Enishi hated the unknown man. "Perhaps I need an exorcism?"

That almost made Enishi smile. If she needed an exorcism, then so did he, if only lust could be so easily removed. "What you feel is unnatural, but not atypical. The devil tests us, and so long as you keep resisting you will stay right with God." He knew it was the words she wanted to hear, even as he felt more a fraud in this moment than when his theology letters had been transcribed and sent to other monasteries for their brilliance. He was a heretic at heart, but he also knew the Church was his path to power.

"Your words should not soothe my heart, because it isn't deserved until I have conquered my lust, but I thank you. Will my penance be the same as last week?" Prayers at dawn, a small fee, attendance to the Saturday service which also required giving to the collection in addition to the normal Sunday service. It wasn't much compared to the tasks he had initially set her at her first confession.

Enishi nodded, unwilling to address any more words in her direction lest he express something he didn't mean to such as hinting at his growing, ah, feelings. He wanted to offer to come with her as she collected rents next month, but he feared he'd ruin himself by flying into a rage at this man she professed lust over. His muscles bulged under his robe, flexing at his thoughts of violence. Violence was so simple, and he wished life would go back to a state of simplicity.

"I can't thank you enough, Father. You're my rock. I feel like my life would fall to chaos without you now, even if I'll admit I wanted to throw a ladle at you as well a few months ago." She laughed, and touched his knee before standing and striding towards the door. Unaware of her effect on him, Kaoru didn't know she had just initiated fire in his body as it careened through him. Unable to stand, lest his loose robes betray his visceral reaction, Enishi waved her out impatiently.

She gave him an odd glance, as usually he walked her out of the church. "Please close the door, I find my head had taken to aching and I would lie down for a moment." His voice was rough, even to him.

"Oh!" He knew immediately he had chosen the wrong tactic as she rushed over and placed a cool hand on the feverish skin of his forehead. Pushing back some of his fine white hair, her alarm was clear. "Father, are you ill? Please allow me to fetch one of the other priests and—"

"That's not necessary." His words were harsh, cutting her off. More skin to skin contact was a going to make his night time thoughts of her worse by a magnitude. Grabbing her wrist, Enishi pulled her away firmly but as gently as he could manage.

Kaoru was mad, still thinking she had the right of it to fetch help, but the ingrained authority of the Church gave Enishi a little more weight than usual to the headstrong woman. "As you wish, Father."

He wondered, as he winced with the slamming of the door, if Kaoru would still say a prayer for him tonight. Once she had said he was in her nightly prayers, after their had settled their initial differences. She said it was her own penance for wishing him ill for so long. All Enishi could think of was how she thought of him before she slipped, naked, into her bed.

***

She was stomping her way into the falling down wreck of stone and wood that everyone else referred to slightly sarcastically as a "castle." Kaoru knew she was stomping because the leather soles of her shoes couldn't cushion the pain from the way she struck her heel to stone and straw. Misao appeared to have gone to the chickens to gather the eggs because she had a basket of them in hand as Kaoru rounded a corner. They nearly collided, which would have been disastrous for all involved but most particularly the eggs.

"I take it you saw Father Enishi this morning," Misao said with a smile, rebalancing and clutching the basket of eggs like a baby.

"He refuses to see sense," Kaoru mumbled. "He tells me he suffers from pain, and then when I showed concern he dismissed me rudely!"

Misao started moving toward the kitchens again, and Kaoru followed absently. "For how often you told me you thought he might be the devil himself, I don't see why you'd be in a temper over him now."

"I thought he and I had an, I don't know, _understanding_ of sorts."

"For all he's a man of God, he can't be trusted," Misao said with the weary voice that shot concern through Kaoru as it always did. It had been more than a year since Misao had come to live with Kaoru, and still she was nervous around every man excepting Soujiro and occasionally Sano. Kaoru was concerned anew that should Aoshi visit his ward, he would find her in a state of panic at his very presence.

Kaoru tugged at Misao's long braid playfully as they walked. "Since we resolved our troubles he's been behaving properly towards me as a priest should to a lady." Then, with color suffusing her face she added something that she had only voiced in her head previously. "The hot and cold moods always surprise me. He looks like how I imagine an angel might."

"Maybe a fallen angel," Misao said with certainty. "Men of God aren't usually so… vicious looking. I saw him once at a distance and he's all hard edges and scowls."

Mostly agreeing, but still wanting to defend him, Kaoru replied, "Sano was also all hard edges and scowls when he arrived, and now even you have to admit that isn't all that defines him."

Unwilling to readily admit another male might not be the devil himself, Misao disappeared into the larder to find a cool place to store the eggs. Kaoru saw some bread and cheese left out and thought about scolding any number of the household members for leaving food to the flies, but instead she brushed off crumbs from the counter and absently ate a bit from both items. The pot containing the nutritious but unexciting porridge she had made early in the morning sat cold next to the smoldering remnants of a fire.

Father Enishi was a strange one. At times he seemed almost friendly, but for every thaw there was a cold snap right behind it. When he first arrived, haughty and commanding at the beginning of spring, Kaoru had thought perhaps it was nervousness that made him so prickly. Soon enough Kaoru found out it was the fact that he was certain of his own superiority to everyone else around him that caused the sense of separation. It galled her that he was essentially right—he was faster, stronger, smarter—and there wasn't any task he could be given that he didn't accomplish better than people who had been experts longer than he had been alive. Still, his inability to be basically friendly to the parishioners of the surrounding villages was a mystery.

At her first confession, which she had delivered with utmost trust in his ability as a man of God even if as a human being he lacked humility, he assigned her severe penance. Cold baths in a still freezing river to rid herself of her lustful imagining gave her a headache and made her sluggish and clumsy at her tasks for the rest of the day. When she came back to him the next week, having run his gauntlet and provided prayers and donations besides, he doubled the frequency of the river baths without batting an eye. Kaoru's screaming indignation had probably been heard a mile away, and for the first time in her life she considered stopping her church attendance.

Still she came back, confessed again the next week through gritted teeth. For her disrespect, Enishi assigned her duties cleaning the church that were insultingly below her station in addition to the hated cold baths. Realizing that it was up to her to change her own behavior, as Enishi couldn't be expected to understand when he actions only reinforced her harridan status, she did it all and more only to end up sick by the end of it all.

The fever, Megumi had told her, was a result of being too cold too often and overworking herself on little sleep. Yahiko had apparently stormed the church on her behalf, and whatever he said, Enishi himself had shown up at her bedside at some point. Too exhausted to remember much, Kaoru thought perhaps he had placed a cool hand on her forehead and murmured a prayer. Whatever fevered words she had responded with, as soon as she was recovered their relationship had shifted. Her penance became reasonable, and their visits almost friendly in her eyes even if he remained coolly polite.

Enishi, who looked like an angel with his shining white hair and eyes she couldn't decide were blue or green, probably had as much to learn about being human as an angel might. Kaoru knew a lot about the human condition, and clearly he needed her just as all her other friends did. Enishi would value their friendship eventually, but in the meantime…

"Thinking of Himura again?" Sano wandered in, munching on an apple. Misao seemed to have quietly cleared out, leaving Kaoru to her thoughts.

With a flash of anger, Kaoru jumped up from the wooden stool she had been leaning on. "No!" It wasn't worth mentioning Kenshin in any form outside of a confessional so she changed the subject. "And where were you this morning? I saw the cart has broken off its wheel again, and you promised me you had fixed it properly."

"I didn't quite have all the parts I needed," Sano mumbled, mostly to himself. "But don't worry, I'll do it better this time. It won't fall off mid trip to the market."

"At least it was on the way there, and not on the way home with goods this time." Kaoru grumbled.

Sano patted her on the head from his great height, and walked away laughing and chewing. Her scolds washed off of him like water from a duck, and she wondered if the wheel would even be fixed before the next market day they went for supplies. Maybe she would sic Yahiko on the lazy knight. Somehow, her adopted little brother was better at annoying Sano into action than Kaoru was.

Meanwhile, Yahiko himself was probably trying to find Tsubame, a merchant's daughter in the village. She should tell him not to spend so much time courting, but he was already thirteen and he could marry in a scant few years. Time was running through her fingers like so much sand, and she still thought of him as the ten year-old she had brought home when she caught him stealing from half the market stalls. The villagers had wanted to whip him, and her promised disciplining of him turned out to be a permanent home and all the food he could stuff down his gullet. Kaoru was no good at punishment.

Maybe Sano's lazy attitude was infectious, as she realized she was still sitting in the kitchen with a dazed expression. There was wool to spin, clothes to mend, embroidery and music to practice, or any number of things she could be drilling in to make herself a little more marriageable. Not that anyone was offering for her. Would she die alone in this castle, the last of the Kamiya line?

"A messenger!" Misao rushed in, puffing from what had no doubt been a frantic run through the whole of the manor searching for Kaoru. "I saw them approaching on horseback!" Kaoru would need to greet them, no doubt, as Misao wouldn't speak a word to any strange man and Sano couldn't be trusted to reliably be polite.

"I'll be out presently." Kaoru said, finding her aching feet were much improved from her wool gathering in the cool kitchen.

***

"Do you know much of Lord Shinomori?" Kaoru's words were innocent enough, but Enishi felt the weight of possibilities. She was out of breath from what he suspected had been a full out run back to the church midday. He had almost told her he was indisposed, but the idea of her relaying information through Raijuta, the normal priest who made his livelihood from this parish, or his young acolyte Yutaro, hadn't felt right. As always, his instincts were correct.

Yes, he knew of Aoshi Shinomori, a heretic who had publicly renounced his faith after fighting wars for his king that had brought stunning victories in battles that should have been doomed to failure. Being a distant blood relation to the crown and steadfastly loyal to his country saved his head from being separated from his neck, but he was no friend to the Church. As a fearsome fighter, Enishi wished to test himself against the man. It had been a while since anyone posed him much challenge, and he longed to have a sword in his hand and a worthy opponent.

"A bit." He settled on an answer to Kaoru. As per usual, her mind was on a different plane from his.

"He sent his ward, Misao, to me some time ago. There was some trouble with the people who had been entrusted with this task prior, and it became apparent she needed to be delivered to a safer location. My father fought next to Lord Shinomori when the lord was barely a man, but he remembered my father as being honorable and with enough means to support another person in his household." Kaoru always talked too much, providing context to situations Enishi didn't care about. His silence provided no discouragement to her tale. "But my father has returned to God these five years past, and now Aoshi will visit to check on his ward. He…doesn't know the truth of the situation as of yet."

Enishi smiled at that. What an ironic turn for the arrogant lord! Aoshi made a grave mistake trusting his ward to a man who abused her, and then extracted her and placed her in the household of a dead man. For a person who was used to being untouchable in battle and reportedly perfect in his stratagems, this would be a rude surprise.

"I will have a dinner to welcome Lord Shinomori and try to convince him of the suitability of my household. If he takes word of my situation as unfavorable to the crown, his cousin, my life could become precarious." A young marriageable noblewoman living 'alone' was fine so long as she was out of sight and mind, but Kaoru would be stripped of her property and given to a random lord as a wife should she bring the wrong kind of attention to herself, no doubt. Enishi felt violently opposed to such an outcome, but was uncomfortable with his own motivations for that feeling.

As usual, remaining neutral in expression was how he survived the ebb and flow within him.

Almost shy, she finally got to point. "I would appreciate your presence, and your confidence, at this dinner. Your words carry weight in this community, and beyond if I'm not mistaken."

He hadn't spoken much of his time in the monastery or of his goals in residing temporarily in this part of the country. So far as even the Church knew, he was preparing himself through service for his next big step in committing himself to Church leadership, not carefully seeking his sister's murderer for the purposes of outright bloody vengeance. Kaoru seemed to have gleaned he was more important in the Church than he let on, and her canniness spoke well of her even as it was unwelcome to his goals.

The silence after her invitation was bothering her, so he put her mind to rest. "I will attend your dinner. Though I don't know how much comfort Lord Shinomori would take from my presence."

"I doubt you could say anything worse than Sano will. He has thoughts about how Lord Shinomori should have taken better care of Misao, and he is a little too tactless when he gets in his cups." Kaoru gave him one of those melting smiles, the ones that felt like sunlight to his heart. "Having you there will be a great comfort to me. Your presence gives me strength."

Between the touch to his knee and that smile of hers that was attempting to choke confessions from his lips he knew it wouldn't be just this night he dreamed of Lady Kamiya. The sooner he found Kenshin Himura and killed him, the faster he could return to his life of relatively uncomplicated power and privilege at the monastery. A life free from desire. A life far away from Kaoru Kamiya.


	2. Chapter 2

Sex wasn't hard to come by in a monastery if you knew where to look. Plenty of men and women took their vow of celibacy as more a loose guideline rather than a damnable sin, and not everyone who entered the Church did it out of a higher religious calling. Wealthy sons and daughters were deposited in the Church along with a hefty donation to the abbey coffers, not orphaned and left on a doorstep like others. Enishi watched these young men and women arrive every year as he himself grew. He was canny enough to lead an outwardly pious life while remaining silent on the sins he saw within the Church itself, often perpetrated by these same noble sons and daughters.

Some exploration was expected—forgiven—in young men and there came a day he took what was freely offered, having gone from a sharp-eyed runt to an adolescent with salt and pepper hair and a body honed from combat practice. Some nuns would giggle as he passed, and it wasn't unusual to feel the discreet brush of fingertips against his body to remind him how welcome his attentions would be. It served no obvious purpose, but eventually he bowed to curiosity. The few experiences he indulged in left him cold, empty where he should have felt satisfied. Of all his vows, celibacy hadn't been a hardship.

Then came Lady Kaoru Kamiya. Finally, Enishi tasted the hellfire of a cardinal sin.

An irritant, she was a thorn in his side or a mote of dust in his eye. Scratching at the surface of his view of her he waited for her hypocrisy to be laid bare. The file he had read on her had contained a lot of questions and conjectures, none of which turned out to be true. No scheming sophisticate, no seductive siren, Lady Kamiya. She was a woman who still wore her hair like a girl in a long braid down her back, and possessing more heart than sense but more luck than heart. How could a woman such as this distract him?

Waking from half remembered dreams, drenched in sweat yet again and harder than granite, he took himself in hand and didn't even pretend like he wasn't thinking of that dark-haired woman that had bedeviled him. In his mind he wouldn't just fuck her, she would take her own pleasure from him over and over before he found his own release. It didn't matter that he was probably not experienced enough to provide her with that kind of repeated satisfaction, Enishi knew this was all fantasy. And perhaps the saddest part of his fantasy was not the taste of the forbidden or his imagined prowess, but that in these dreams she wanted him just as desperately.

As usual, her name didn't dare pass his lips as he came.

***

"You're sure this meal is fit for…" Kaoru didn't want to insult Tae, the best cook in the nearby town and a good friend who agreed to come and prepare the supper intended to impress. Normally thrifty, as well as trying to keep a low profile in case some unscrupulous lord decided to increase his holdings at her expense, Kaoru had spared nothing for this supper. Short notice had limited some of her choices, but she thought everything rather well done considering.

"An earl wouldn't bat an eye to eat at your table this evening, Lady, let alone Lord Shinomori. Besides, you told me he's a soldier, so maybe he hasn't even sat at a proper table in months."

"Even if he had, I know your food would be better than anything offered elsewhere. I just can't shake the crawling feeling in my gut that I've made a huge mistake. Maybe he will take insult at the extravagance."

Tae didn't comment, never fully feeling like she could interact with Kaoru casually due to the difference in their stations in life. Kaoru never put much stock in her title, even less when she grew older and realized why the other kids were hesitant to talk to or play with her, and now as an adult she wished the world worked differently to allow more people to connect without such artificial barriers.

The purple carrots were steaming in their pot, and the roasted pig was resting on the counter next to a rabbit stew and a tureen that held several quail. Freshly made sops were piled high on a platter. More game was cooking, and Tae was red faced but otherwise seemingly unaffected by the chaos of the kitchen. The heat was stifling, causing Kaoru to sweat and worry all the more. The kitchen was unlikely to burn down, but with all the extra help Tae had brought with her in addition to the several women Kaoru had paid to clean up all the rooms Aoshi was likely to even think about stepping into, there were more people around than Kaoru had seen at the manor since before her father had died. She exited the kitchen before the heat made her feel faint.

It hurt her heart to think of how different life had been when Lord Kamiya was in residence. For one thing, they had a permanent staff on retainer, and there were no leaks in the roof on the west side of the castle. Meals had been jolly with the couple dozen people whose families had followed the Kamiya line with loyalty. Many of their children were the ones cooking, cleaning, and repairing the residence today. She may have played with some of them a decade ago, and now she was lady of the manor and come tomorrow they would head home to their farms or farther. It was too lonely a thought to be entertained for long. As joyous as some of the reunions had been, it was equally bitter to think of how empty the manor would be once more.

Pacing and fretting, she saw a shock of white hair and it was an instant balm for her nerves.

"Enishi!" She exclaimed before remembering herself and saying somewhat contritely, "Father Yukishiro, you've arrived early but I can't say I'm sad that we'll have time to share company before Lord Shinomori is expected to arrive."

"Lady Kamiya," Enishi gave a stiff nod in her direction.

The excitement in her eyes dimmed. So it was the frosty Enishi that had made the journey today, Kaoru sighed internally. Whatever was bothering him, she felt like it mustn't have anything to do with her as she hadn't seen him since her confession four days ago. Though come to think of it, he had been cold as winter then as well. Perhaps he would warm with the approach of fall, and the thought of him changing with the seasons was absurd enough to force her to cover a laugh with a cough.

"Please come with me, it's too hot to be out in the day." Kaoru encouraged Enishi to follow her away from the kitchen toward the main entry hall. Sano was in charge here, directing various laborers where to place tables and chairs. He was in rare form because the prospect of as much meat, Tae's well-cooked meat, as he could eat was enough to make him a paragon of productivity. Yahiko was running messages about and checking on all the progress so that everyone would finish at the same time, and Misao and Soujiro were working together to inspect of the airing out of the smaller rooms. Soujiro had made it back only days earlier, much to Kaoru's relief. Misao's spirits were deeply effected when he was absent.

Enishi eyed the progress that had been made in such a short time to make the cavernous space welcoming. "Everyone looks most industrious."

"It's amazing what can be accomplished when you throw money at a problem." She tried not to sound bitter.

"I had not expected the Kamiya family resources to be so vast when you normally live so frugally." Enishi was barely skirting the question, clearly wondering if she had dug herself into a hole for this silly feast.

There may have been a number fewer gold goblets to decorate her father's personal rooms, but no one entered there at any rate. Kaoru knew her way of life was at stake here and she wasn't going to miss a couple old cups. Even if they had been one of the wedding presents from her mother to her father. The tears she had shed, pulling them out of the dusty case would be nothing compared to the tears she would shed at being forcibly married and removed from her home.

"What I have spent will be missed by no one but me. The household will go back to normal after Lord Shinomori's visit, maybe even a little brighter and fresher than it had been before. It was about time I loosened some money to help the community and improve the look of the manor."

Enishi gave her a sideways glance over his glasses, smelling her lie of omission. The real improvements needed: younger farm animals, masonry on the crumbling infrastructure, repairs to the ceilings… none of that was being done. Airing out the bed linens and dusting off the mantle of the fireplace wasn't the fix needed here.

Clearing her throat, feeling guilty for having sparked his concern, Kaoru pulled at the sleeve of Enishi's robe briefly to have him follow her. She could have sworn he flinched when she did so, but it could have been from the loud bang of a laborer dropping his corner of the table on the floor before righting it properly.

"Come with me, I want to show you something."

The priest followed, but closely. He wasn't used to walking behind someone, Kaoru thought with a smile to herself. This close she wondered at his height, as tall as Sano no doubt. Sano was a giant of a man, and seemed so even at a distance, but Enishi didn't seem very tall until he was right next to you. From the mere inches away he was at the moment, he seemed both remote and practically on top of her.

Her breath caught and she halted her step, but he didn't run into her. Enishi simply stopped when Kaoru did as if it were the most natural thing in the world to be completely in synch with her. "Is something wrong?" he asked as they paused in the darkened hallway.

Everything was wrong. Absolutely everything. In this of all moments she had imagined, for the first time, Father Yukishiro on top of her. It was tenfold as twisted as her indecent thoughts of the quiet farmer that worked a corner of her land. Clearly, stress and her own sinful heart were causing her to lose her mind. Maybe she should resume those cold river baths. She had barely been able to remember her own name after some of those frigid dips. Maybe even she should seek a husband to rid herself of this foul lust in her heart.

"N-No." Her voice trembled only the barest amount. "It's just up ahead."

Yahiko had found a new ladder to replace the rotten one in a forgotten storage room, and Sano had installed it this morning. She loved this location most at dawn, but it would be an excellent view at dusk as well. Too bad by dusk they would all be eating in the windowless main hall. Honestly, she wasn't even really sure why she was so excited to show this to Enishi. Sano and Yahiko hadn't been too impressed with it. Tae had pretended to be for her sake.

"Follow me up presently," Kaoru blushed, knowing that he would have to wait until she was in the space so that he wasn't looking up her dress. The rich purple of the fabric belied the old dingy white linen undergarments she wore and she was still too mortified for her thought earlier to entertain what the priest might think seeing her intimate apparel.

As a child she had used this weird little space as a secret spot. Before her mother had passed from complications with her pregnancy, Kaoru had hidden here to avoid punishment for stealing food. In a way she had seen quite a bit of herself in Yahiko when he was stealing food in the market that day years ago.

There had been abounding space for a child, but now it was rather cramped for two adults. It almost felt like there wasn't even enough air for them both, but that was silly when the window slits were so wide open. It hadn't felt like this when she had forced Tae to come up here with her earlier in the day.

"You can see all the way down the road to the manor from here. I think my father had it built as an experimental lookout, but it didn't turn out useful so abandoned stationing anyone in it. It was my sanctuary. I would have slept here as a child if they would have let me."

"It would have been too cold in winter, and too wet in fall and spring."

Kaoru sighed. "You sound just like my father."

"I'm not your _father_, nor am I old enough to pretend to be." He spoke quickly, almost insulted.

"You can't be more than, what, five and twenty? For all your white hair, I don't think you old, _Father_ Yukishiro." She thought the joke charming, but he wasn't in a laughing mood. The again, was he ever? "Someday I hope to make you smile from something other than spite." Kaoru said, getting a little cranky herself. This had been a mistake. He was not a friend, he was here as moral support out of duty. She had been silly to forget that.

"Kamiya," The word was almost a whisper, such that she thought she had imagined it because what followed was his usual strident tone. "I see a rider in the distance."

His vision, for all he needed glasses, was sharper than her own. Indeed, on the horizon, a man on a horse approached at moderate speed. Kaoru felt herself inflate with worry. Aoshi was early as well? Damnation!

"Blast him, by God!" Remembering who was in company with her, she looked over apologetically. "You'll have to assign me penance for my language later, Father."

"I think God can find it in Him to forgive you this once for free." Enishi said wryly.

***

Looking around the high table, such as it was, Enishi realized that Kaoru had had a bit of a hard time with the seating arrangements. Naturally, as head of household she sat in the host's chair, but Lord Shinomori outranked her and so they sat on the same side of the table next to one another. Enishi had been seated next to the boy, Yahiko, who was giving Enishi nasty looks because he was seated closer to Kaoru despite the boy being her adopted family. The Makimachi woman was seated across from Aoshi and next to Lord Shishio's brat. Sagara sat next to the local midwife. No one was precisely where they should be, and at the same time no one seemed very comfortable with rearranging their seats to the 'proper' place.

As the hand wash basins were removed and the carvers began serving meat, Enishi took the unnatural silence at the table to size up all the villains in Lady Kamiya's care. Saito's files would need some amending once Enishi returned to the monastery. All those carefully prepared notes, and yet they were so far from helpful it was almost laughable. Brother Hajime's cramped writing on precious parchment had painted profiles that starkly contrasted with the reality Enishi coolly noted.

Sanosuke "Zanza" Sagara, the famous mercenary known for his joyous brutality in maiming combatants and generalized cruelty to men weaker than him, was being smacked on the arm by a skinny midwife while the carver piled meat high on their plate. The older man was obsessed with complaining about how Lady Kaoru assigned him more chores than a human being could possibly complete in a day, while the lady herself had turned beet red holding in her anger. He knew she couldn't respond with Aoshi present, so Sagara continued to goad Kamiya with every word. The merciless knight acted like Kaoru's embarrassing uncle, seemingly defanged.

The midwife, Megumi Takani, was fighting an uphill battle trying to get Sagara to shut up and when she wasn't smacking him she was encouraging him to stuff his face with food. One would hardly believe that a scant year ago she was on trial for witchcraft. Somehow, Kamiya had stepped in and defused the situation, but Enishi wasn't so sure it was because Kamiya believed the woman wasn't a witch. Judging from the way Kamiay treated her, she fully thought the woman uncanny, she just didn't think that burning anyone at the stake was something people should do. There was also apparently history there Kaoru hadn't wanted to discuss with him yet, probably because it was the last priest who had drummed up the witchcraft charges.

"I understand your journey was largely uneventful, Lord Shinomori?" Soujiro Seta smiled in that nonthreatening way he had perfected. He might look like a cheerful squire, but half a dozen throats had probably been slit with the very knife he was using to stab a chunk of pork. Why he was here and not back at Shishio's side had everything to do with the Makimachi girl.

Aoshi wasn't a man of many words, but he wasn't rude enough to ignore a directly addressed question. "The weather was cooperative."

"We've been lucky this summer that there have been a few light showers to keep the dirt from rising too much. And I always love how it smells after it rains." Kaoru tried to find something positive to contribute, rather than pick at her own pile of meat. She was taking a small bite of everything offered, but her nerves appeared to prevent her from enjoying it much.

Enishi pretended like Lord Shinomori wasn't glancing his way with a frown pulling his neutral expression towards displeasure. Choosing to say nothing, he tried to be supportive of his Lady by not antagonizing the man any more than through his existence. The boy next to him, like Sanosuke, seemed more interested in eating. Brat was too scrawny, some meat would do him good.

"Misao has been spending productive days here with me. We have been making progress with the harp and the fiddle, but I would be the first to admit Misao's talent with the fiddle to surpass mine easily."

Aoshi slid his judgmental gaze from Enishi and regarded Kaoru. "Is that so?"

It was almost funny to watch Kaoru struggle to keep conversation flowing with the stoic lord. "Neither one of us seems to have a hand for fine needlework, so music has been a nice enough way to pass evenings. Sano keeps a fine beat with a drum and Soujiro plays a lute with some skill."

"You sound like a troupe of minstrels." It was said with a touch of disdain, and Kaoru flinched slightly. No doubt music was welcome with this group of people, knowing that none of them had tales to tell they would want the others to know. Enishi observed Lord Shishio's assassin shift slightly, and while the smile never left Soujiro's face, he appeared to have taken the young lady, Misao's, hand beneath the table. It was subtle, Enishi was more observant than most and no one else seemed to have noticed.

"I hope that Lord Shinomori knows that what the Kamiya manor may lack in bustle it makes up for in another fashion." Kaoru was trying to keep a smile as bright as possible on her lips, Enishi noted. Fixating on her lips was a bad practice so he took a bite to distract himself after a moment.

"I find it remarkable you have been able to defend so much property with no proper retainers. Your farmers seemed friendly enough as I approached." Aoshi was back to giving Enishi a scowl. "Tell me again how long ago did the Lord Kamiya die?"

Blunt, almost cruel words, and Kaoru seemed to take a steadying breath in their wake. Enishi wasn't sure if it was done to center her emotions against anger, grief, or both.

"Five years, my Lord. He took ill and rather than put the staff in danger as his condition deteriorated, I had them leave the manor. They built lives since and it has been hard to entice them back." Clearing her throat, eyes bright and a littler watery, she gestured towards the midwife. "Megumi sat with me through the end, she even helped me prepare and bury the body when too many others were afraid of catching his sickness. I can never properly express my gratitude."

Uncomfortable with the sudden attention, the midwife gave Kaoru a look as regal as any lady. "As a woman of medicine I did what any other physician should have done for you, my Lady." She didn't mention how Kaoru repaid her by squashing the campaign to hang the midwife for witchcraft. No one else at the table thought it relevant to mention even as it remained an unspoken truth.

"So you were still a child when he passed." Aoshi was trying to put together how he had missed so vital a detail as the Lord Kamiya's death, clearly.

"I was nearly sixteen." She was trying to make herself sound older than she was, and Enishi saw the rhetorical choice for what it was. Even her attempts at deception were charming. He had thought Kaoru younger than twenty, but then she tended to wander around with her hair braided and uncovered. Oddly, he found himself more pleased than anything to know they were so close in age.

The Makimachi girl was visibly trembling, despite the efforts of the assassin to secretly comfort her. Clearly, she perceived this conversation as going in an unfavorable direction and perhaps feared removal as much as, if not more so, than Kaoru feared her own living situation changing. Enishi could understand her hesitance, still living that horrible day the last of his family was massacred in front of him by a red-haired mercenary. Unlike Misao, there had been no soft-hearted lord there determined to care for him. Enishi had had to find his own way in the world, as had Misao in some ways as she previously navigated life in a household that acted similar to enemy territory. After being beaten and worse, Kaoru's home was an oasis. Enishi almost envied her such a home, when he had found nothing but a cutthroat world of Church politics and brutal combat training in the name of defending the Church's way of life.

"Your hospitality has been appreciated, but I'm shamed by my inattention to detail for my ward not once but twice." Aoshi was blunt, seemingly having arrived at the end of even the appearance of social niceties. He took a bite of meat and chewed it slowly before adding. "I think it's time I found Misao a husband, and settled not only her future but removed her as a burden to your household."

Misao's spoon clattered on the tabletop, spilling broth from it, and she quickly took up her wine cup with both hands to cover her shock with something unobtrusive. Enishi noted that Soujiro's smile faltered a moment at Aoshi's announcement.

"No!" Yahiko cried, but Kaoru silenced him by raising her hand in his direction. Clearly, she had coached the young man on staying silent this evening.

"She is no burden to this household, you need not act with any sense of haste on my account!" Kaoru's words were quick, and pitched high with alarm.

Enishi looked around the table, seeing what Aoshi no doubt saw: a girl playing at being lady of the manor, a mercenary, a witch, an assassin, a thief, and a priest who may has well have been an interloper. Then there was Misao, daughter of a traitor, granddaughter to an earl, cursed to bear a black mark from her father's poor choices but also to be of just enough noble blood never to be forgotten. It made sense to get the girl out of this den of iniquity as fast as possible, but at the same time he could see she was thriving. No doubt Aoshi had come with a plan, but Enishi wondered if Kaoru had any ability to sway his mind.

It was time to intercede.

"The Lady Kamiya and I have been in a conflict of wills many times over these past months," He made sure to let Aoshi know that Kaoru was not in his pocket. Anything that annoyed the Church would be a plus to the avowed atheist. "But I have never been able to deny her ability to maintain firm control of her household and property."

"Father," the word was said with undeniable disdain. "How else would I be able to provide for her more efficiently? She's eighteen, and in another life if things had been different she would have been arranged to be married years ago. I have found several prospects among minor Barons that, even knowing her background, were still amenable to the idea of an alliance."

"Lord Shinomori," Enishi replied with equal contempt and a wide toothy smile, "Perhaps removing the lady to a third unknown household is not your strongest position here." It was badly insulting, reminding Aoshi of his past mistakes. Kaoru lost color in her face and took a deep drink of her wine.

If Enishi had been any other knight, rather than a man of the cloth, they would be outside with swords drawn. Given enough of a push, perhaps Enishi could goad Aoshi to fight anyway. He would dearly love a fight to burn off some of the mad energy pulsing through him due to Kaoru's proximity.

"Wine!" Sano shouted to servers waiting in the shadows, seeing that things were probably going to get worse before they got better.

***

Hair loose about her, a veritable curtain of inky modesty, Kaoru felt the slight kinks where her braid had taken her normally straight hair and warped it. Calloused fingers brushed through it, over her scalp, down her neck and clavicle to outline her modest breast. A nipple pebbled under his touch, and he paused to encourage it to pucker further with a slight pinch. Her breath caught and her back arched. The sensation like she was missing a vital piece that only this man could provide had her gasping wordlessly.

His mouth found its way where his hand had been moments before, and the wet heat mimicked what she knew lay at her core. He coaxed her legs open, her muscles stiff with apprehension at what they were about to do. Despite acting as the adult of her household, regardless of the ages of its members, Kaoru knew no more of the sex act that what she understood of animals rutting in spring. She may have explored herself shyly, but there was nothing shy about the way this man's fingers delved into her curls.

Kaoru felt a burst of pleasure as he found a spot she was well acquainted with these past months since that farmer had applied to her for use of the far west corner of her lands. Touching herself had kept her sane, but now this man's ministrations felt like they were driving her to madness. Through it all the aching emptiness inside of her drove her to beg for his cock in the basest of terms, and while she could hear his cruel laughter, she knew he wouldn't deny her.

Flipping her over onto her stomach, she only had a moment to prop herself up on hands and knees upon the bed before he spread her legs farther apart to accommodate his form behind. Her limbs trembled as she dropped a leg down and glanced over her shoulder to take in surprisingly well defined stomach muscles and powerful thighs. He was beautiful, her very own fallen angel. He had left the glasses on, as she had asked of him, but was otherwise naked and fully glorious in his arousal.

"Enishi," she moaned as he positioned himself at her entrance, ready to thrust and end both her miserable anticipation and her innocence…

Sweating out what had to be a gallon of wine, Kaoru started awake in her bed. Naked and deeply ashamed, in the hot summer night, she reached between her legs to ease the ache the dream had brought her.

She was just confused, she told herself as her fingers pulled her over the edge with a soft cry. Weeks of lustful confessions had gotten the object of her desire confused in her mind, surely. And tonight his impassioned words about her worthiness to Lord Shinomori combined with stray improper thoughts and too much wine had simply leaned her mind favorably towards the priest. That had to be what it was.

But her dreams of Himura had never been so vivid or left her feeling so empty.

How could she possibly ever confess this? She had never felt like more of a sinner, and yet at the same time she longed to return to her dream and run her hands over Enishi's body even if it was only in her mind.

"By God," she swore, "This is the last thing I needed right now."


	3. Chapter 3

There had been a drizzle of rain in the night and the whole atmosphere was one of oppressive humidity, so when Kaoru delayed her visit to confess until the sun was high in the sky and the heat equally unbearable to the moistness in the air Enishi had to contain his impatience. They had not spoken since the night of the dinner, when Enishi had had to stay long hours past the meal for the trenchers and scraps to be given to him to take back for the poor the next day. Having handed all that work to Raijuta, the other priest, he had afforded himself enough time that following day to do his combat practice. The physical exertion had helped him clear his head, and he hadn't slept so well since he had arrived at this backwater parish.

The meal itself hadn't ended so spectacularly, with Misao getting so drunk she fell asleep in her chair and had to be carried out, and Sagara getting so drunk he had to be wrestled down and silenced when he got it into his thick head that they needed to have a raunchy singalong. Truly, he got through a few verses of some very impressively phrased ribald drinking songs before a half dozen men overwhelmed him. Kaoru had laughed through it all, pretty sauced herself and seemingly resigned to the disaster the evening had become. Lord Shinomori spent most of his time on battlefields and hadn't seemed to think any of this worth commenting on before he had retired to his room for the evening. Enishi had helped Kaoru stumbled back to her own room, and he wondered why she didn't clear out one of the grand sleeping quarters for her own use. The bed had looked small.

Too small for two people in any case, he thought with a hint of possessiveness.

They walked back to the private room in which Kaoru delivered her confessions, but Enishi noticed several important differences already: she shut the door quietly behind her, and the space between them that was normally too close for comfort had expanded to the point where he almost wanted to pull her seat closer. Even her body language was different, crossed arms and darting eyes. Something was deeply wrong, but he wasn't sure if the wrongness stemmed from something between them. He was sure he hadn't given her any reason to think he harbored inappropriate thoughts.

"Father Yukishiro," she said, hesitantly, "I'm afraid due to the pressures of Lord Shinomori's visit that I have behaved with even less patience than usual to everyone in my household. I shouted at Sano for what felt like hours the day after the dinner, and I couldn't even find him yesterday. I suspect he is hiding at Megumi's. Misao hasn't been out of her room and won't take any food unless Soujiro brings it. If not for Yahiko instructing the few servants that stayed on to take care of daily matters while Lord Shinomori's visit persists we would be in a sorry state."

She looked a little green as she added. "And really I need to be more grateful to Yahiko, as I snapped back at him for the scolding he gave me for over consuming wine. He was right, but I was defensive and I said some things to him that have prompted him to avoid me as well. I have resolved to apologize to him this evening."

None of these things particularly sounded like they needed to be atoned for, but she was obviously holding back something. Normally, he would simply thank fate for saving him the time to listen to her blather, but he found now that she was here he didn't want their time to be so brief. Perhaps not in this oppressive room, however, as he could feel beads of sweat rolling down his back. He swiped sweat from his eyelids as well and refocused on Kaoru as he replaced his glasses. She looked strangely stricken.

"I need your advice in a professional capacity, Father,"

Enishi wondered what she thought these confessions had become if not professional service.

"There are several paths before me and I need another opinion on which one I should choose."

It sounded like he was in for a tedious story, but it was more familiar territory with Lady Kamiya so he felt his muscles relax. He wondered when he had begun to tense them, but the relief was immediate and he was glad they were on more normal footing.

"As you have probably noticed, because you'd have to be blind to not see how Misao and Soujiro regard one another, there really isn't anyone Misao would marry other than her squire. He rescued her from her _situation_, you know, having been hired by Lord Shinomori for that purpose. The bond they formed at that time isn't one that could be easily broken, no matter what duty or order Soujiro could be given by even his Lord. Meanwhile, Soujiro will not be made a knight for at least two more years, and even once he is made a knight he will not have much property or personal wealth to offer to make their union attractive. I have written to Yumi, Soujiro's adoptive mother of sorts, of the difficulties."

But of course Kaoru was on friendly terms with Yumi Komagata, Lord Shishio's consort and the most notorious courtesan in the country. It was so unremarkable given her other associations that Enishi didn't even blink. As for the young assassin and the lady, well, people often couldn't marry who they wanted to, so his empathy was limited for the situation. Enishi could see that Kaoru was deeply moved, so tried not to say something too callous.

"If their union is unlikely, is it possible to simply delay the Lady Makimachi's arranged marriage indefinitely?" He knew that a situation like that was ripe for sin, given that both the squire and the lady were young and unlikely to keep their love strictly courtly. It was probably better to cart her off to a husband chosen by Aoshi and forget about the girl entirely. Even odds, the Seta brat turned that situation into a bloodbath before her wedding night, but it still seemed easier than worrying about something Kaoru had no control over.

Kaoru looked pale, even a little sick. "There was another option. Given the circumstances it might even be considered elegant. Perhaps to a certain perspective it's generous…"

She didn't want to say whatever this other option was out loud, he could tell. Enishi didn't have patience for hesitation from any quarter. "Say it plainly, my Lady. I'm disinclined towards riddles."

"Lord Shinomori," She paused and closed her eyes, swallowing with a throat suddenly thick. "Lord Shinomori," she said with more conviction, "Suggested a marriage between him, and me."

He would kill him, by God. Before the day was through Enishi's sword would be so deep in Aoshi's belly that he would be wrist deep in the bastard's entrails. But it wouldn't do to allow Kaoru to know she had just sparked every killing instinct in his body, so instead he said gravely, "Go on."

"He pointed out that it would lend a certain legitimacy to the situation here, and he isn't wrong. He has other properties, well-tended by stewards, and he could easily resituate retainers and staff to see to the manor's upkeep." She didn't sound very happy, despite all the positives she was stating about the proposed alliance. "Honestly, he would be marrying down a great deal given the connections of his family. His blood runs far bluer than any Kamiya's, despite us being an old noble family. We were always more concerned with protecting others than acquiring titles for ourselves."

Between Enishi's killing aura and Kaoru's despair, the room was stifling to a degree that seemed inhuman. At the same time Enishi almost didn't care, as the building could have been burning down around his ears and he might not have noticed so focused he was on this conversation.

"How does this solve the problem of your young Lady?"

"Lord Shinomori said that his main concern was to discharge his duty to his ward in good conscience, and while he doesn't think I have executed my duty poorly, he knows between past faults and an uncertain future he would prefer to have more control. If he was lord of the manor, she will be seen to and a marriage would not strictly be necessary." Kaoru paused. "For Misao."

"What do you want?" Enishi desperately wanted the answer to be 'to tie Aoshi up and chuck him in the deepest part of the river' but that was unlikely.

Kaoru stared at the door of the room hollowly, as if she could just start running and somehow her problems wouldn't follow. "It's about time I married, don't you think? Even if it's not what I wanted for my life. It won't be a love match, like my mother and father, but theirs was a rare situation. I'm not near enough or important enough to other nobles to secure a union on my own so I don't know when another opportunity would arise like this. Logically, there is only one way I should want to answer."

What could Enishi say to that? She was right on every count. Just because every fiber of his soul was saying he had to stop her, intellectually she would be making the best decision.

"Lord Shinomori said he would be gone most of the year seeing to the king's campaigns in various parts of the country, so my life was unlikely to be very different." Her face took on that thousand-yard stare quality again. "He said our children would most likely be quite sturdy given my constitution. Just like you might talk about breeding two horses."

Clearly her heart was saying no, and Enishi wanted to tell her to follow that feeling, but he didn't believe in such wishy-washy sentimental drivel. Marrying Lord Shinomori was the correct choice from every angle. Perhaps, like he imagined Seta would in his position, he could just slit the offending groom's throat on the wedding night before they consummated the marriage. Stealth wasn't his style, however, a fair fight in which he accidentally mortally wounded Aoshi was a more acceptable direction.

"It sounds to me like you don't need my advice, Lady." Enishi said, blood rushing in his ears.

"I don't know why I told you," Kaoru said, at last turning to him as if she were seeing him, edging her seat an inch or two in his direction unconsciously. "Perhaps I hoped for a miracle."

Enishi shook his head. "Only God can grant miracles, and I haven't been witness to one yet." But how he had prayed over his sister's corpse for one as her blood soaked the snow! It hadn't happened then, and it wouldn't happen now for something so paltry as a marriage of convenience.

***

"You don't have to do this!" Misao clapped her hands to her mouth as Kaoru brushed some dust off her mother's blue wedding dress. Their figures were not so dissimilar, with Kaoru being just a little shorter than her mother had been. "I'm sorry, I meant to say the dress was beautiful but…"

Misao was grappling with crippling guilt once Kaoru had come home and announced her decision to fall on the sword Aoshi offered in every sense. The household had reacted in vastly different ways:

Yahiko had been excited, "Fantastic! Maybe I'll finally be able to learn sword fighting!"

Sano had been skeptical but accepting, "Eh, you said he'd bring his own steward to hire craftsmen for the masonry? Sounds good to me, I guess."

Soujiro was his usual mask of politeness, "As the Lady pleases."

Megumi was incredulous, "You're a fool to let a man run your life, but if that's what you think best I won't say anything else."

Kaoru shook the dust off the dress once more, examining the flowers embroidered along the hem and sleeves. It was a good dress for a summer wedding. Aoshi had insisted it needed to take place this summer if it were to take place at all, because he would be going south for the fall and winter at the king's whim. He was a handsome man, with no remarkable blemishes morally or physically, and a fine healthy amount of muscle on an otherwise fit body. But Kaoru didn't feel that spark when she thought of him that she got when she thought about… someone that needed to remain nameless even in her own mind.

Clearly her heart only wanted impossible things, so maybe it was for the best she would be a matron soon instead of a maid. She had even stopped wearing her braids and instead had dug out her mother's old headdresses and hair nets. Her fine black hair was even now coiled into a net studded with fine pearls, though Kaoru hadn't committed to wearing the barbette and coif. Maybe in winter it would feel warm and comforting instead of like it was choking the life from her.

"We have already been over this. It isn't just about you, Misao. I have to think of the future of the manor. Lord Shinomori is offering all of us a better life."

"Except you," Misao mumbled as she pulled out another old dress from the trunk of Kaoru's mother's things that had been carefully packed away for when Kaoru was to be married and sent away. Naturally, there were to be many more trunks of goods and clothing to be part of her dowry but Kaoru had slowly whittled them down as she paid for her large household and occasionally helped out her tenants in hard winters. Only a few trunks of dresses, and various sentimental jewelry pieces remained beyond the larger Kamiya family goods. Kaoru couldn't sell family heirlooms; even if she had been willing to sell her own future she couldn't part with the past.

"Let's not talk about this again," Kaoru all but snapped as she unfolded a bed linen. It was the linen intended for her marriage bed, and she realized with a sinking sense of finality that Aoshi would expect them to reside in her parents' suite of rooms. She would finally have to abandon her childhood room where she had slept all her life. "Please, I just can't, Misao. Lord Shinomori already went to make arrangements. At this point maybe even the king expects him to marry."

Misao wanted to respect Kaoru's wishes but she just couldn't let go of things once she was fixated, like a dog with a bone. "I'm just saying if you're only doing it for the wealth he provides, Soujiro had some really interesting ideas about crops that you could rotate in and—"

"I don't want to hear about Soujiro's agricultural ideas. Maybe he should share them with the farmers so that they can eat better."

"That's just it, Soujiro says these crops aren't edible, they are intended just for the purposes of trade and—"

It was nice to know that the young lovers didn't just discuss their traumatic pasts, but Kaoru was deeply uninterested in what sounded like Soujiro's future plans to provide for Misao. That didn't put food on the table today, it didn't fix the roof last winter, or buy another cow when the older milking cow broke a leg in a dirt hole in the field this spring. The meat had been welcome, though, as much as she had missed the milk.

"That priest is here!" Yahilo yelled into the room the ladies were in, and then promptly took off running down the hall.

Kaoru leaned her head out of the doorway, "I told you deliver messages to me respectfully and not just holler them in my direction!" she bellowed down the hallway after the young man. "And he has a name…"

"I agree with Yahiko, Father Yukishiro is still… uncanny."

"And I think both of you are uncharitable to a holy man who has been a great comfort to me, as well as looking after our souls every week."

Misao seemed unconvinced as always. "You speak of him so frequently, yet he remains unfriendly to us all. Perhaps you see a different side of him."

Did she really speak of Enishi frequently? She certainly dreamed of him frequently, so frequently in fact that Kaoru no longer even blushed when she thought of Kenshin Himura. However, with Sano still largely avoiding the household as it prepared for Kaoru's marriage, she found herself in a position needing to collect the rents alone again. Sending a message to Enishi had seemed such an obvious choice at the time, but now she saw it as a strange request. Yahiko would have been an acceptable substitution, indeed he was old enough to go by himself practically. Soujiro would also have accompanied her as he put the fear of God in everyone he encountered much more so than Sano ever could. No one would be asking for an extension on the rents with Soujiro at her side.

But Enishi was here, and to send him home now seemed disrespectful to his time and energy. "Perhaps I do," Kaoru agreed. "And perhaps you would too if you ever went to confession."

She had meant it to be teasing, but Misao shut down immediately. There were things in her past she would never speak of to anyone other than the squire who had rescued her. Placing a conciliatory hand on Misao's shoulder, Kaoru gave a gentle squeeze and moved quickly down to the courtyard to meet with Enishi.

He seemed more tan than last week at confession, as if he had been spending a lot more time outside of the church than in it. It had the effect of making his white hair all the brighter and forcing those strange eyes of his to practically glow in contrast. Kaoru felt her heart speed up and she paused in front of him so close she had to tilt her head up to smile at him. She hadn't meant to get this close, and a stiff breeze of hot air wafted his scent in her direction. Somehow sweat wasn't disgusting when it was Enishi's. Sometimes when Sano came in after a hot day to eat supper she wanted to kick him into a pig trough and see if it improved his odor.

"Your little brother said you needed my help."

"I collect rents today, and I've found that no matter how my farmers vow they respect me, I tend to return home with less money than I should when I don't take a companion. I can't afford my own soft heart." She wished she could stop smiling at him, but just having him near made her feel as if the day had finally begun.

Enishi scowled down at her. "I was under the impression money wasn't going to be an issue for the manor much longer."

That put her smile to rest quickly. "Soon, but not this month."

"I imagine it takes most of the day to complete this activity, even on a horse." He saw the two old nags that Kaoru normally hitched to the wagon or the plow interchangeably had been saddled instead.

"You're correct, as always. And I won't insult you by supposing you haven't ridden before, because you arrived to our parish on the biggest, whitest, angriest stallion I'd ever seen. It was quite the dramatic entrance."

Enishi's lips quirked up a moment, even if it wasn't a true smile.

He helped her into her sidesaddle, gallantly, but it was a mistake all the same because as soon as Kaoru touched his hands she was transported into a vision of her dream from last night and it hadn't been her hand he had caressed then. Nothing was helped by the fact that once he was mounted on the nag Kaoru had had prepared for him his ecclesiastical robes were gathered much higher and exposed thighs fully as well muscled as her mind had imagined they would be.

_Think of Lord Shinomori…_ Aoshi. Kaoru reminded herself, and found her blood cooling perceptibly. Perhaps marriage would finally quench that lustful heart she had always been ashamed of.

"Lead the way, my Lady." Enishi said, firmly taking the reins in hand, eyes flashing like he was heading into battle.

***

It was the last thing he wanted to be doing with his day, but Enishi found himself unable to say 'no' when Kaoru's plea had come to him. Every male in her life was a useless drip or a child, so how could he leave her collecting rents alone? She would probably swallow every sob story, no matter how false. By his vocation, they would be less likely to make something up entirely, but he also knew how much they tithed to the Church and so he would know if they truly had the ability to pay to her what they owed. Enishi had a good head for numbers, and in fact had found himself in a position to purchase privately various properties and farms. There were plenty of people looking for indulgences as a fast track to forgiveness for indiscretions, and they had enriched him personally as well as the Church. He saw a vast future for indulgences as a market, in fact.

Meanwhile, Kaoru didn't have a lifetime in purgatory to encourage her farmers to pay their due to her, just a sympathetic ear and a rather piercing tone when she sensed bullshit. Enishi's mere presence seemed to be enough to wring the coins from her tenants, and he kept his thoughts to himself as she chatted about crops, people's families, various minor aches and pains, and the weather. As he had suspected, every last one of her tenants was a hard luck case or a former soldier looking to make good, and many of them dated back prior to Kaoru assuming control of the manor so her peculiar brand of charity seemed to be hereditary.

It was getting late in the day, Kaoru having spent an inordinate amount of time accepting congratulations on her approaching marriage from a particular family with a small child that Kaoru insisted on holding and bouncing. She had accepted their thanks and less money from them than she should have, but Enishi was uninclined to make a child cry with his stony glare. Kaoru was clearly making him soft.

"One more farm, but we won't get any trouble from Kenshin."

The name sent a cold thrill through Enishi.

"I haven't heard of any such person in this region. Do they attend Mass?"

"He mostly keeps to himself. Friendly. I've spoken of him to you before." Her cheeks flamed and Enishi realized this was the farmer. The one that used to feature in her sexual fantasies, but apparently had faded from her regard recently. Kaoru was too disciplined to allow herself to be defiled by some dirty peasant, so Enishi hadn't thought much on him, but now he tried to remember every last detail she had ever mentioned.

He always seems so sad…

He's soft spoken, and he dodges questions about his past…

A wounded soul…

She never mentioned any details that would have sparked his instinct or memory, like a cross shaped scar or flaming red hair. And Kaoru had never mentioned him by name.

"Kenshin, you say. Would that be Kenshin Himura by chance?"

Kaoru looked pleased, and doubly glad Enishi had not alluded to her brief imagined passion for the man. "So you know him? Are you well acquainted?"

He was my brother-in-law.

He fucked then killed the only person I thought I could love in this lifetime.

An assassin known as the Manslayer.

"In a sense… and you say his residence is just up ahead?"

Kaoru nodded and Enishi mentally and physically prepared himself. All those extra training sessions he had forced himself to do this week to put Kaoru Kamiya and her upcoming change in situation out of his mind had sharpened his skills like a knife's point. It had all been for a greater good, he realized, as his body was as prepared as it could be for this moment.

Falling into memory, he was a child again, biting the hand of a man who was being just a little too friendly for Enishi's liking. His sister had sent for him, writing only in English in her letter, rather than her native French. It told him something was wrong and, when he had finally arrived at the small house on the coast she shared with the Manslayer, he knew for a fact what that wrong thing was. Kenshin Himura had taken his sister, a woman who had sworn she would sooner commit suicide than sleep with an Englishman, and made her his wife. The only disfigured face in the household was that red-haired freak's and Enishi hated him for it, and his sister a little too if he was truthful.

It had only taken a couple seasons for the assassin to show his true colors. A landing party that small on the beach shouldn't have been difficult for a man of Kenshin's skill to defend against, but somehow Tomoe had gotten in the middle of it all. All Enishi knew was by the time he had arrived at the wintery scene, only Kenshin remained standing. Tomoe was beyond Enishi already, and he listened to the distant sound of the ocean as her body grew cold rapidly in the snow. Kenshin disappeared, leaving a young Enishi to both bury his sister in a shallow grave and survive the winter. He hadn't shed tears since then beyond what was forced instinctually when dust in the wind blinds a man.

So it was with great shock that he noted the tears streaming hot down his face as his fist crashed over and over into the conscious but limp form of Kenshin Himura. Vaguely, he remembered they had ridden up to the shack at the corner of Kaoru's lands that housed the man. Almost as if watching the memory through a veil of fabric, Enishi saw how he had spit out his accusations to the man and how Kenshin had freely admitted to all his crimes.

Kaoru was sprawled behind him, clearly having been knocked down at some point during his assault on the smaller man. Her hair had come out of the net it had been carefully coiled in, and he was struck again—as when she had been feverish—how when all that hair spread out around her there was the faintest resemblance to his beloved sister. The pain felt all the fresher for that realization. Enishi had been denied years of her love, years of acceptance and peace, and all because of this selfish villain. He needed to _pay for Enishi's pain._

Already split knuckles flew at the clearly broken nose of the red-haired former Manslayer and impacted with a sickening crunch and a new spray of blood. Kaoru sobbed a plea for him to stop.

"You killed her, you ruined my life!" Enishi shouted down at the prone form

"Yes," Kenshin whispered through bloody lips. He gave the barest nod, still on the ground and giving no indication of the incredible pain he had to be in, as Enishi grabbed the fabric of his shirt and pulled him up the barest amount.

"My only family in this world or the next! By your sword!" The tears wouldn't stop, making Enishi feel weak even when he had never been stronger or faster in his life.

"Yes," Kenshin's violet eyes, still sharp after well more than a decade since Enishi had last memorized them, closed. Himura accepted his fate, maybe even welcomed it. That halted Enishi from snapping the man's neck then and there. He didn't want Kenshin Himura to find satisfaction in _anything._

"Enishi, please, stop, you're killing him!" Kaoru wrapped herself around him from behind. She wasn't pulling him off of Kenshin, or trying to shield the other man as she had attempted before Enishi had tossed her aside in the dirt. Brokenly crying, she was clutching him like a woman drowning at a moment he had never been more dangerous to her or others.

He needed Kaoru to understand, it didn't matter what happened to him after this, Enishi's whole life had been structured around finding and killing this man. Every other part of it had been playacting at being a human being for the entertainment value, to see if he could win. To see if he was _better than_.

"He destroyed my family," he growled, "He destroyed my place in this world."

Kenshin seemed so tired, so helpless and remote from the situation. If anything, Enishi was struck by how Kenshin Himura might hate himself more than Enishi could ever hate him. It was around that moment that Kaoru's words ceased to be like bees buzzing around him and instead took hold in his mind.

"This isn't you!" Her whispers were urgent, frantic in his head and heart, "Your place could be with me, I could be your family…" The promises became indistinct and thick with emotion from there.

And all at once Enishi understood: Kaoru Kamiya was ever so much more dangerous than Saito's file had predicted. She was indeed the temptress Hajime had predicted she might be, her words honeyed traps for the unwary. But she wasn't dangling her body in front of men desperate for a taste of pleasure or the facsimile of love, but redemption which was equally intangible and twice as seductive. To be whole again—he almost believed he could have that because she believed he could have that with every gasping breath she took behind him.


	4. Chapter 4

It wasn't quite so dramatic as hell on earth, but Kaoru felt like she had been deposited in a nightmare, surely. Kenshin, his face oozing blood and purpling in a manner that made her think of tenderized meat, was slowly gathering himself out from under Enishi and up off the ground. Enishi, for his part, was unmoving in his partial kneeling position. It was like he was a candle that had been blown out, and he appeared to stare vacantly into the distance. His lack of response made her shiver with fear in a way his bald rage moments ago had not.

Kenshin was limping back behind his small living quarters, and Kaoru followed while giving long backwards glances at Enishi whose lips were moving soundlessly. It could have been a benediction, but she was more certain of it being a curse. The demons chasing him were significant if the verbal exchange that had taken place between him and Kenshin was true. She had heard enough to know quite a bit more about the past of both men, and she wasn't particularly sure she knew either of their motivations at this point.

But where this was going wasn't what was important in the moment, tending to their respective wounds was. "Can you breathe through your nose, Kenshin?" Kaoru stayed at the corner of the shack to keep an eye on both men simultaneously, quickly trying to tie up her hair once more and finding the hair net worthless. She settled on balling the useless peal bag up and stuffing it in her bodice.

"Yes, milady." Kenshin sounded like he was gurgling, and he turned his head to the side to spit out more blood and what might have been part of a tooth. When he forced a smile in her direction she didn't see any gap, so possibly it had just been dirt.

"Listen to me very carefully, I will be sure to send Megumi to you, and then you are to have Sano take you north to town. I have a friend there, Tae, and she can find you employment and a bed for a time. As soon as you can you should move on. You need to be sure to hide yourself far from here so that Father Yukishiro isn't tempted to make another huge mistake…"

"… Lady Kaoru, I don't think any bit of what conspired today was not premediated." Kenshin's words were slightly slurred, but his eyes were alert. "And he is justified in taking his revenge. My past…"

Kaoru raised her hand for him to stop, "Is in the past. You have been a hard-working tenant, and a warm-hearted friend, I don't regret welcoming you to my land. Now, I'm just worried about getting you healed and making sure you're safe."

"I'm no stranger to wandering, Lady Kaoru. The time I was able to be here has been a welcome respite, but my brother-in-law is not the first man to find me with hate in his heart and he will not be the last." Kenshin seemed so sad, rather closer to the man she knew who had applied to farm a corner of her land in peace than the friendly man he had become over the past couple years. She hoped he would find that peace he desired, but she was equally sure that if he stayed here Enishi would end his life and that would be a tragedy for both men in her estimation. "Perhaps he is the most justified…"

"Don't think those thoughts. What happened here today…" She glanced over to see Enishi still sunken into himself and on the ground. "I feel like I should have been able to prevent it. Having Megumi heal you and Sano hide you is the best penance I can offer. I will make sure you have a few coins with you to hasten your comfort."

"Lady Kaoru…" Kenshin tried to smile but grimaced with pain instead and spat more blood on the ground.

"I suspect this may be the last time we will speak, so let me embrace you as a friend, not as your lady."

Careful not to hurt him any more than he had been already, they shared a firm hug. Once, this would have been the stuff of fantasy for her, but now she could only regard Kenshin as both a good friend and an object of pity. She was sad she couldn't provide him with a lasting place in the world, but she wasn't about to put him in further danger.

"Maybe I'll be lucky enough to have our paths cross again." Kenshin, always trying to find something positive to say, watched Kaoru withdraw with sad, and blackening, eyes.

She held his hand for a moment, feeling where sword callouses might have once been and now were simply hands that knew honest field labor. With a parting squeeze she let go. In every sense she let go.

Enishi's lips weren't moving any longer, but once Kaoru was within an armlength of him he looked up at her with empty eyes. It was as if everything he had been was wrung out of him, but he rose gracefully at her suggestion. Another barked order from Kaoru and he was mounted on the tired old horse he'd been riding all afternoon. Enishi was barely sitting the horse so Kaoru grabbed his reins and awkwardly brought him in step with her own nag. They were almost close enough to brush legs, but she wasn't in the proper frame of mind to feel breathless about such an intimacy.

The silence of the trip back to the manor was too much for Kaoru so she carried the conversation for both of them.

"You scared me there, Father… Enishi. I have never been witness to such brutality in all my years. I thought you would slaughter him like a pig right in front of my eyes and you are the last person I would have thought to commit such violence."

He blinked, placid in a way that seemed more like weakness of the mind than resignation. She worried for when he came back to the world and out of his own head.

"Maybe not the last, if I'm to be very honest, and seeing as you're still a priest I had better keep myself honest. However, you always seemed to have so much control over everything around you. Always with an order or a biting observation, which I'll admit I didn't always follow, but often it would turn out your advice was in fact the best course of action. It's a bitter pill to admit that I haven't seen you take a wrong step until today."

His head moved the barest amount in her direction and as his eyes focused in on her she realized with a curse that his glasses where somewhere back in the dirt in front of Kenshin's residence. Yet another thing Sano and Megumi would need to take care of on her behalf. Both the horses would be too exhausted, so she'd have to send Yahiko running in the dusk light to Megumi's home. At least it was summer and the days were long.

There would be no hiding this from her household, she had a day at most before word would have spread. Heaven knew Sano couldn't keep a secret, so maybe a little less than a week before the entire parish knew Father Yukishiro had nearly beaten a man to death. Kaoru wasn't sure what it meant for the priest's future, but she tended to think that killing people would be generally frowned upon in the Church.

Then again, with the way the day was going she was open to even more surprises.

***

He had lost time again. There had been dark moments in the past, mostly in his early adolescence and shortly after his first few skirmishes in the name of the Church in which he had had to kill, when he had had to retreat from his own consciousness. Instinct had saved him in battle, and the times he had withdrawn back at the monastery it had been easy to convince the elder monks that he had been deep in reflection on some mystery of God or another. There was always an easy explanation for acting mad around holy men. In a sense, madness was a sign that you were closer to the divine.

But it had been years since he had been afflicted.

This time he had been caught in a loop of his own failure. If his life had only held meaning as a tool of vengeance then what was he in a world where Kenshin was allowed to keep living by Enishi's own decision? Himura had been ready for death and Enishi couldn't deliver it to him, realizing the crueler fate was letting the man live. There was no rush of triumph to be had here, no release from the cycle he had been living in. All Enishi had was the grim acknowledgement of both the continuation of his misery and Kenshin's.

Maybe it would be easier to die.

"Move your body, you great big infant! You're heavier than a boulder and I can't shift you on my own!" He knew that whine, particularly when it was directly in his ear. Enishi managed to realize his full weight had somehow landed on Lady Kamiya from the height of the horse he had been riding. She sounded rather unhappy about it, and judging by the elbow she was jabbing into his side she wasn't joking about not being able to move him under her own power.

Galvanized just enough to make some progress, some part of him knew she was supporting him under his arm. She was the only touchstone he had to reality, the rest of the world being both indistinct at a distance due to his lost glasses but also from his state of mind.

Orders given with militaristic precision spewed from her lips, and soon enough he was sprawled across a bed and a cool wet cloth was being run over his face and arms.

"I would think you hurt, but I know whose blood this is. I'm covered in it as well. This dress is completely ruined and I fully consider you responsible."

A less than gentle hand used the same wet cloth to scrub his knuckles until the crusted dirt and blood were gone and they were freely bleeding. It stung, but he hardly noticed, and not long after soft clean bandages were being applied to his hands.

"You've got to come back, Enishi. You can't run from your problems forever. They lie in wait for you with the patience of time. Trust me, there were days I wanted to escape as well. The more I talk with others, the more I feel like my own hardships are put into perspective."

Kamiya was singing her siren's song again. Coming back to reality was the last thing he wanted, but he found himself responding to the sound of her voice and even more to the not so very soft touches of the wet cloth to his body. She was harshly scrubbing the blood and travel grit from his legs now. Beyond conscious will, his cock twitched from her proximity and the light occasional brushes of her bare fingertips on his calves.

He found his voice as his blood pulsed in his body. "Lady Kamiya, stop."

"By God, you might as well call me Kaoru after today." Her easy curses were almost endearing. "I should have left you to burn in the sun on that patch of dirt, but somehow here you are in my home, and by God you'll be taken care of tonight. Tomorrow I will kick you out, mark me, but tonight you need time to heal."

"My hands are of no consequence."

Her tone was stern, exasperated. "That's not what I mean."

Enishi didn't have anything to say in response. He stared at the blurry ceiling in consternation.

***

He had finally fallen asleep. Kaoru had taken time to wander down to the kitchen to find some dried meat and a pickled cucumber, then realized she wasn't hungry for either and opted instead for some cold porridge that was waiting to be heated for the morning meal. Kaoru hadn't been kidding about kicking the priest out the next day, but tonight she would let him rest.

Everyone had come by his convalescent room with a comment and advice for Kaoru as if Enishi were not even present. For all the lack of response from the priest, perhaps he had not been present at that time in truth.

Misao scolded, unwilling to even enter the room in which he lay. Soujiro, her smiling shadow, was nearby but said nothing. Kaoru assumed they were of one mind that Enishi should be handed over to the Church and encouraged to leave this parish immediately. While Misao hadn't grown up with all the privilege of her station, she was certainly growing bossier now that she was being treated as a Lady. Kaoru had gone through that phase, and it hadn't endeared her to anyone.

Yahiko wanted to put Enishi on one of the still tired horses and ride directly to the Church no matter how hurt he was, no matter what Kaoru said. He thought the man a danger to Kaoru and at first he refused to go get Sano and Megumi, but Kaoru managed to convince him that Kenshin's suffering was more important than Yahiko's imagined dangers. As if to illustrate how out of touch with reality Enishi was, she had lifted up one of the man's arms and let it fall limply back down. It had been done to make a point, but Kaoru felt concern spark more deeply for Enishi after that. The concern managed to eclipse the disgust with his actions, and around that time she had fetched some water to clean the gore from his body.

How could such an intelligent and thoughtful man perform such base acts of violence? Kaoru had asked this question of herself in the past metaphorically, but now she needed literal answers and nothing seemed clear. Sadness, fear, love—these emotions within the priest had somehow twisted and turned into the willingness to kill. Grief was certainly powerful, and she still felt a twinge in her heart when she thought of her father. So much had been lost when Lord Kamiya fell ill, but most of all Kaoru had lost the ability to feel protected and loved. Sure, plenty of people were concerned with her wellbeing, but no one could replace the unconditional love of family. Around that time, she had found herself attending church more and turning to God for the love she could not now receive from her father.

Then again, she had no one to blame. Sickness visited everyone in their life, seemingly randomly. How would she have felt if an actual person had been responsible for her father's death? Would she have sold her soul to devote her life to revenge?

Somehow her thoughts had brought her winding back to the room in which Enishi lay. Thinking she heard him say something, she approached closer. The tallow candle she had left burning was puddling in its holder and cast strange shadows on the wall.

"Enishi, did you call out?" Kaoru started to reach for him, then thought better and retracted her hand.

It didn't matter though, because Enishi's eye shot open so wide she could see the whites and before she knew it she was beneath him with his hands at her throat. He had acted so swiftly Kaoru hadn't even had time to scream. Looking at her and yet at the same time through her, Enishi didn't so much squeeze her throat as slide one hand up to release her hair from the messy ponytail she had put it in while she had been tending him while the other pulled her dress off of her shoulder to expose her skin to the night air.

Her initial shock wore off as if a basin of water had been poured on her head when he leaned down to suck the skin he had just exposed. It felt beyond amazing, and she wondered what it would be like to have his mouth on other parts of her.

"What in God's name are you doing, Enishi!?" Kaoru pushed at him, thrashing her pinned legs as well as she could manage.

Enishi blinked hard, staring down at Kaoru confused but still aroused, and slowly she watched his expression harden. "This is no dream."

"Not as such." Kaoru said primly.

His severe frown was much less appealing than the dreamy look of reverence when he had been divesting her dress from her body. He must have come to some to some sort of decision, because the concentrated look he gave her forced a chill down her spine.

"Do you plan on letting me go?" the question came out measures more breathless than she meant it to, and she cursed inwardly at how her body reacted to him even when her mind and heart were in turmoil.

Something about the question fired his anger, and Enishi finally acted on his decision and crushed his lips to Kaoru's. It didn't start out a pleasant kiss, more demanding from the priest than gentle, but after another bout with her shock Kaoru tried to protest only to find as soon as the seam of her lips parted that his tongue invaded her mouth. Nothing about this was like her dreams except for the forbidden way her body was heating, and the increasingly hard to remember reasons why they should not be doing this in this moment. She especially shouldn't be running her hands up to his braies beneath his robe, or allow the tips of her fingers outline the linen around his cock as his tongue caressed hers.

Finally withdrawing from the kiss, Enishi asked her in a tone gravelly with suppressed need, "Is that what the Lady wishes?"

It took time for Kaoru to even remember what he was answering, and she took so long in the remembering that those angel eyes of his had dimmed and his body was already rising off of hers. The body heat between them had become stifling without Kaoru noticing immediately. Even though it was what she should want, the loss of him made her panic slightly. It was the only way she could later explain why she grabbed fistfuls of his robe to pull him back down onto her and join their mouths together again.

This second time she was ready and met him as an equal, her tongue touching his and running over his teeth before he fought her for dominance with a growl. The hand that had released her hair slid back into it and he periodically gripped a handful of the soft strands at the base of her skull. Kaoru could tell Enishi was holding back, and her body sang with the knowledge that he was just as pent up as she was. Perhaps…

"Did you dream of me?" Kaoru pulled their mouths apart by arching her back, and her body felt every hard plane of Enishi's through his clothes. His hips thrust towards her seemingly outside of his will and she felt his erection press against her center.

"Every night…" At last Kaoru felt like his confessor, the tortured admitted truth reflected in his heated glance over her as he took in the state of disarray her clothing was in. Dress and chemise were pushed up, and those same off-white hose she had been so afraid to show him didn't deter him one bit. Kaoru didn't realize how large Enishi's hands were until he sat back and ran them up over her thighs to brush her center through her hose, making her blush. "Some days, as well."

Kaoru felt him begin to remove her hose and what should have been her last line of defense melted under the force of their lust. Too many nights she had spent dreaming of this very thing, and now that it was happening she couldn't conjure up even the slightest bit of reluctance. "I couldn't tell you my feelings, it was too shameful,"

"If we're to stop, say so now for I fear much farther and you won't be able to be considered _intact_."

His words should have shocked her into the sensible decision, but instead they thrilled her. How many nights had she felt as if she were practicing for a moment that would never arrive? If the rest of her life were to be devoted to others, she wanted this night for herself. Rather than respond in words, Kaoru cupped his erection through his braies and felt him shudder before he knocked her hand away and removed both their undergarments with jerking motions. He was too eager, but she understood all too well.

"There will be discomfort," he warned her as he pushed her knees up and Kaoru felt him position himself at her entrance. Her over sensitive skin felt her dress and chemise bundle uncomfortably around her middle, but even more uncomfortable was the empty feeling that she well knew from her dreams.

"What are you waiting for," Kaoru dared with flashing eyes, and Enishi's choking laugh forced affection to bloom within her. He was pausing because he didn't want to hurt her, she realized, and she would appreciate that hesitation when he swiftly entered her with a thrust that made her feel like she had gone from empty to overfull. Muscles unused to stretching screamed at her, and Kaoru hissed as she took a deep breath. No stranger to pain after years of chores and the aching body that often resulted, she knew how to talk herself through the initial throes.

Shifting about, trying to get used to the new sensation, the priest gave her a sharp look. "Stop moving else I won't be able to hold on long enough for you to enjoy this,"

With what looked like an intense amount of concentration, Enishi began to move and Kaoru felt her muscles stretching but accommodating him was becoming easier and her breathing became first less labored, then more as she started to meet his strokes. Every inch of exposed skin was covered in sweat as the summer night air didn't provide much relief. Kaoru was just starting to feel like she was moving towards that precipice she brought her body to when she touched herself when Enishi's movements started to get more forceful and less precise. He was trying to press her to him even as his lower half continued to plunge into her, and Kaoru felt like she could hardly breathe in his arms. Her legs wrapped around him as if she were riding a wild horse.

"_Merde,_" he groaned, and all Kaoru could think was that she didn't know he spoke French as he tried to suddenly pull back from her. Instinctually, Kaoru's wrapped legs around him tightened and Enishi lost the battle as he emptied himself into her with a squeeze to her chest so hard Kaoru wondered if he would crack one of her ribs. When his spasms subsided he withdraw and looked down at her with consideration before pushing up one of her legs to expose Kaoru's core to the air once more.

"Wait," she tried to say, embarrassed in a way she had not been when they were joined together, and she felt his fingers rub along her slit to find the part of her that still ached for release and coax her into her own spasms of pleasure.

Unwilling to rush back to her own room as if admitting to herself or him that this was a shameful mistake, Kaoru instead slid her clothing off and used the last of the water in the bowl that still held the cloth to wipe the sweat off her body. Enishi watched her with smoldering eyes.

"Don't take my surrender to you as any sort of approval for what happened earlier today. You have much to answer for, possibly more than I can imagine. Even if I weren't kicking you out, which I am," Kaoru said, unwilling to look at him while she was undressed. This was strangely more intimate than what they had just shared. "I have a feeling you will be gone by the time I awake in any case."

His mouth was on her shoulder at once and moving towards her neck, his lack of rebuttal all the proof she needed that she was correct in her assumptions. Whatever they had, tonight would be its beginning and end.

"I never expected to have any kind of future," Enishi said, cryptically, before blowing the tallow candle out and pulling Kaoru towards his similarly naked form.

Kaoru knew two things for certain in that moment: she was not getting much sleep this night, and she needed to write Lord Shinomori a letter promptly.

***

Given the nature of the letter, Kaoru expected either no response or a negative one, so when the season passed and she heard nothing from Lord Shinomori, she didn't feel much besides relief. Being ignored was a best case scenario, but she knew she probably didn't have much time before he brought up Misao again due to his overwhelmingly annoying sense of duty to his ward. Kaoru was sure, given Yumi's assurances that Soujiro would no doubt be granted a small parcel of land upon his knighthood in a little more than a year, that their union would be at least borderline acceptable to the Lord.

Harvest time was upon them before she knew it, and the manor was busy with preparing their own larders for winter and making sure the daily tasks were still handled. The meager staff that had helped in summer all left now that autumn was upon them and Kaoru felt the emptiness more than she wanted to admit. It was nice, even for a time, to pretend like life was at least a little like what it had been when her father was living. Also, it meant she had to take on a larger share of the chores, which filled her days.

She knew more people needed to be asked to live at the manor house again when, after her night with Enishi, she wept bitterly when her monthly courses visited her. It was an illogical reaction, when relief was obviously what she should feel. Again, she felt like she couldn't confess it any more than she could about her liaison with the priest. She hadn't confessed anything since Enishi had left her alone in that bed come morning. Nothing else by comparison had felt particularly sinful or important.

Kaoru and Misao were completing some washing, a chore that would be the first to be reassigned once people came to live at the manor—and a rather embarrassing endeavor for two Ladies but one's pride had to be put aside for the sake of necessity sometimes—when Aoshi rode up to them.

"Your little brother informed me this is where I might find you…" His voice was carefully neutral, and Kaoru couldn't tell what was in store for her with this man's appearance.

Misao sank into a curtsy to hide her apprehension, but Kaoru simply wiped sweat from her brow and dried her red hands on a nearby cloth.

"Please head back and Yahiko will stable your horse, I'll follow shortly, my Lord." Kaoru, back straight with false confidence tried to sound friendly at least.

As soon as Aoshi was out of earshot Misao dissolved into near hysterics. Soujiro was off on some mission or other for Lord Shishio and was not expected back for months. Sano was helping various farmers with their harvests, bringing back the manor's share on a nightly basis. Of all the times to visit, Lord Shinomori had arrived at a particularly vulnerable one for the household. Reassuring Misao that she need not appear unless summoned, Kaoru got ready to face what was no doubt going to be some sort of reprimand. However, Aoshi hadn't seemed angry, so she wasn't sure even a reprimand was truly in her future.

Carefully placing meat, cheese, and beer on a platter from the kitchen, Kaoru found Aoshi sitting near the cold fireplace in the grand hall. She set the food down as silently as she could, trying not to make any more noise than necessary in the space that seemed far too large for two people. It had been mostly cleared out, tables turned on their sides and shoved away, except for what was needed for the small household to eat. It looked like a manor abandoned. In a sense it was.

"I received your communication. It reached me at a moment I was making arrangements for our wedding. I rescinded many of the orders, but after harvest season you should still have a few craftsmen arrive to make some needed repairs to the roofing." His eyes were unreadable, and his voice was steady and conversational. "Leaving that another wet winter would probably have spelled disaster for you."

"I thank you," Kaoru said, unsure where this was going but feeling guilty all the same. "I can't repay you for your kindness now, but someday I'm sure my fortunes will have turned sufficiently to pay you back."

Aoshi scoffed, and moved away from the cold fireplace. He approached the mug of beer and took a deep drink. "I had expected Yukishiro to be here, is he out tending to business?"

"Pardon? Father Yukishiro left this parish months ago…" Kaoru hadn't mentioned anything about Enishi in her letter. Hearing his name, from Lord Shinomori no less, after all this time made her heart clench and her breath quicken in anxiety.

Aoshi seemed to look at her curiously. "I think you'll find the Church has no more love for him than they have for me, having disappointed them so sorely by abandoning his vows and swearing fealty to the king instead of God."

"Is that so…?" Kaoru knew she was wringing her hands, but her shock and worry were compounding and she felt the need to pace. "How did you come by this knowledge? How do you know it's truly Father Yukishiro?"

"Count." Aoshi interrupted her, watching her pace the empty space in the great hall with growing amusement. "Count Yukishiro. He bought the title with gifts to the king and quite a hefty donation of paid mercenaries for movement against the Scots."

Kaoru felt her legs grow weak for a moment and had to move to the table to sit, even though it meant being much closer to Lord Shinomori than she had planned to be. He pushed the second mug of beer in her direction, and she took a deep drink before she looked up at the Lord again. Curses to the former priest wanted to fall from her lips, but a shred of propriety kept her from blaspheming in front of the atheist. He would not have cared, but she had to retain some semblance of control of herself.

"But why did you think he would be here? Perhaps you had not heard, but there was an incident here with a farmer. Both he and the farmer moved on not long after that. It would make more sense to think him chasing his enemy than bothering with a former parishioner." Did she sound bitter? Perhaps she was bitter. "There's nothing to draw him here."

Aoshi pulled his chair nearer Kaoru, closer than she'd like given that she felt inclined to strike out at someone. More ladles would no doubt be thrown from the kitchen at Yahiko's head this evening. She wasn't proud of knowing herself to be the sort to have misplaced anger, but there was no denying she was in a mood.

"I thought to find him here because he told me he would be found here after a time." Kaoru's stomach felt like it flopped over in her belly and her sour mood fell into turmoil. "Right before he warned me away from you, and your household, and after we had had combat practice together. He acted as if I meant you ill, which was patently ridiculous, but I assumed you'd have him see sense after a time. Passion like that is better used in battle, rather than with supposed allies." From the way he touched his arm and rotated it gingerly, Kaoru suspected that combat practice had been less practice and more combat.

Kaoru felt like she had nothing to say to that, so stunned was she by this news.

"He will be expected in court by winter, as will I, to attend to the king for a time and plan new military strategies for the coming year. I don't imagine he will be away from your lands much longer." Aoshi tilted his head to the side, and his fine black hair partially obscured his face. "I came to check on the situation so that I know there is no danger to Lady Makimachi, or yourself."

Feeling a surge of warmth for the man, despite being a cold fish in most other respects, Kaoru recognized that he had travelled a great distance during a time he was most busy to assure himself that she and Misao were safe. The idea that Enishi was a danger to her at first seemed like a silly prospect, but the more she thought about it the more sense Aoshi's perspective made.

Taking his hand in hers, she squeezed it and said with utmost sincerity. "You're a good man, Aoshi. If circumstances had been different, I think our union would have been very successful."

Pulling his hand away slowly, Lord Shinomori considered Kaoru with searching eyes. "I think I understand Yukishiro's point of view better, now. If I thought you would agree to it, I would offer to ally with you again. But I see from your countenance that that suit would be rejected again."

Kaoru felt her stomach flop for a different reason than before. "I'm unsuitable for you, as I wrote. There are things about me, and my lifestyle, which would probably never fit into the neat box you have placed the rest of your people and property."

"Lord Yukishiro," Aoshi said with a sneer, "Seems a man of his word and I would expect him to arrive before the end of the harvest. I would prepare yourself for his return. He may be different in title and circumstance, but I don't think him much changed in character." He didn't need to add that he didn't wholly approve of that character. "I would stay until his arrival to assure myself, but based on how we parted I don't think that would be a very peaceful reunion for him and this household."

Considering he had most likely attempted to maim her former fiancée, Kaoru had to agree that it would be best if Aoshi returned to his home.

"You're always welcome here on Kamiya land, no matter what anyone says." Kaoru assured him. "Stay as long as it pleases you, I'm just sorry I can't provide you the comforts you're no doubt accustomed to and which I was able to arrange for you last time you visited us."

Not one for pleasantries beyond necessary communications, Aoshi and Kaoru ate while Kaoru updated him on Misao's general health. She didn't yet mention Soujiro's material prospects, as she wanted more details from Yumi prior to writing of the formal alliance that Kaoru was quietly brokering on behalf of the two teens. She wasn't much of a matchmaker, as it seemed like there were so many secrets that needed to be kept and Kaoru hated duplicity. Her own hypocrisy burned her alive at night, as did the dreams of Enishi that had only gotten more vivid now that they could be grounded in reality.

She wished she had felt for Aoshi even a tenth what she felt when she thought of Enishi, it would have made life much easier. Then again, if she had married Aoshi and Enishi had returned then she knew she would have placed herself in a different kind of impossible position. It was one thing to be despoiled, and quite another to be an adulteress. Kaoru had thought to simply live her life in this ruined manor and had resolved to be more mindful about gathering servants once more to fill it with laughter and movement, but it sounded like Enishi was going to interrupt her plans for herself yet again.

"Are you truly sure that you feel confident with Lord Yukishiro's suit? Even if you said no I'm not sure he would accept your answer readily. He spoke or your manor as his home." Aoshi asked once more before he withdrew to rest. Their conversation had been somewhat stilted, but he didn't seem uncomfortable in her prolonged presence and Kaoru hoped that he would consider her a friend like Sano did.

"He was my confessor." Kaoru said, simply, truthfully. "I don't think another person will ever know more of me. That he knows the worst of me and wishes to return…" She didn't even know how to finish her thought.

"I will endeavor to worry less." Aoshi said before leaving the hall without further well wishes. His abruptness was less enraging to Kaoru now that she felt like she knew him a little better.

Kaoru wished _she_ could worry less. Enishi's approaching return left her with nothing but questions. Maybe a healthy dose of hope was included. What she had said to Aoshi was true, no one knew Kaoru as well as Enishi did: both personally and physically. If he said he was going to return to her, that this was his home, then she had faith that he would in fact return. Seeing as there was no love lost between him and the parish population, and the manor was a crumbling heap, she knew what would actually draw a man like Enishi Yukishiro back.

Kaoru settled down her restless heart to wait.


End file.
